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Yesterday was a really good day to blog about. Okay, this is gonna get verbiage so hang in there.

My alarm clock failed to wake me up at 0630 so my dad woke me up at 0649. I didn't have much time to decide what to wear so I threw on the black long sleeves that I had worn to the concert Friday. My jeans were too loose so I grabbed one of my three belts, which happened to be pink. Hot pink. There wasn't much time and my black shoes were much too troublesome, so i wore my pink shoes. Sheena and Daniel rode with us in the car.

When we got to church Sheena and I went to pop in on our neighbour Shell just next door and after making our purchases we sat at the wooden benches outside Funky B, where I was to finish my chinese tuition homework and Sheena played word search. She was soon to discover my long buried talent for word search. Word search brings back memories, especially the one of Matt, Fred and I squeezing in the spacious corridor outside the classrooms playing Matt's word search. It was the only time I was that near to him. Matt, I mean. I don't call him TewTew like the others do. I think it's way too kiddy for him. He may look it but he's not. Okay, back to the present. When Hans was open we went in to have part 2 of our breakfast, after which I sent Sheena to DL. Lol. part 2. The lady at the counter remembered me as the girl who used to help out at the 4-6s. I don't even recognise her. Don't you think it's strange, the way sometimes people know you but you don't know them. I went down to the first floor to get a drink and this CH was standing a the door and opening doors and saying,"Welcome to service" Cool. IGNYTE doesn't have that. Our welcome is only limited to just outside LT1. Then I looked at him and he looked back and i said good morning. Then we started talking like,
"You used to serve in DL right?"
"Yeah." I'm ignored and out of the blue people remember me.
"What school you from?"
"Anglican" Anglican High School. AHS. You know why it's called Anglican HIGH? because if it were Anglican Secondary, it would be ASS. Geddit?
"Oh Anglican. Do you play basketball?"
"No. I'm not good at sports."
"Oh. I had a niece and a nephew there, but they've gone on to JC. You live in Bedok?"
"Err...Yeah"
"So which primary school did you come from?"
"Fengshan"
"Gongshan?"
"No, Fengshan."
Blah blah blah. I'm so rude. I'm not really rude. If you were there then you would have known. I'm just shy. You might b surprised. You think i'm extroverted. Slightly more at church. But I have an irrational fear of talking to adults. Somehow.
I went up to FUEL early. Sis Gwen saw me and my book and she asked, "You read a lot?" Yeah. She looked at the blurb:

I handed my school photograph to my mother. She stared from the photograph to me.
"Lord, sweet Lord how come she so ugly. Ugly. Ugly."

"Oh no! Why did she say that?" I shrugged. I did not, after all, fully comprehend why. Sure, I knew that Constance was ugly and she came at the wrong time and all but why would a mother do that to her child? She could read it on her own. After all, she seemed to express interest in it. Jaslyn asked what book it was and Elicia said,"Ugly!" in that kind of tone and Sis Gwen said, "No! You can't judge a book by it's title! This is a very inspiring book!" Cool. Then she asked what parts I could identify with and I thought for a while and said I didn't know. "HUH? You read without.." I didn't really catch the last part. We played 回来吧 for gel.

They cut their hair. The twins, I mean. They came in a little after gel started, as always. I was quite surprised. I thought that their previous hairstyle suited them better. Their new crew cut was not that bad but not that great either. But I got used to it after a while. Peter's clothes went very well with his new hair cut while David covered his head for a while with his hoodie as if he was embarrassed about it.

I got off FUEL early as I was serving SOF. When I reached Alex was already there with the stern-faced guy in charge of CH. I asked Alex if she wanted to set up the chairs but she said, "No, wait till your brother gets here and let him to the heavy work. Whoops! Don't tell him I said that." I promised her that I wouldn't. A while later, Alex and the stern-faced guy were engaged in an attempt to undo each other's shoelaces. It was quite comical, really. Turns out they're cousins. I think. I got up and took a little walk along the corridor and met Lydia, who was serving CH. She said I wear the same shirt every week. Do I? I racked my brains for what i had worn the previous week but to no avail. Then Sarah came along and said the same thing. Huh. Maybe they had ESP. But they're not identical twins. Maybe ESP is really developed when you stay in the womb with someone else for nine months. Bull. I was very sure that i had not worn the same shirt the week before, though. Then Daniel got there and Alex told him to set up the chairs and I told her I didn't tell. "WHOOPS!" lol.

I saw a girl sitting on a chair eating skittles and I wished I had one. Later I saw Alex sitting with her so I went up and said SKITTLES! Skittles offered me one so I took one then Alex said Before you eat that what's her name? whoops. So I asked her name. She's like, just about the 5th Jasmine I know. I asked her if she knew my name and she said Janice. Wha--how'd she know my name? and Alex said Name tag, dear. lol. I'll remember that next time. Alex talks to some people and somehow the topic changes to girls liking pink and I said no, i like black. Yeah. I punched my fists in the air and in the process revealing my hot pink belt. They said Pink belt! and Pink Shoes! Oops!

Somehow I was unable to jump during service. I wondered what happened to me. I had been very 'high' before service but I suddenly withdrew into my shell. Then came the FTV time. I took the front left area. Why is it that every time I serve SOF no one stands up? I feel like a jinx. We watched Joseph and the Technicolor Coat. I was thinking it's such a strange name cos technicolor sounds so modern. Altar call was for those who needed a touch from God, etc. I don't even know myself anymore. I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know God's plan for me. I don't know...

I met Second Time Visitor Jackie from PLMGS. She's in the same class as Jasmine Quek. They brought a friend. I wanted to go over and say hi but they were all boys and I would feel pretty much out of place. I caught Sarah and told her I remembered wearing my white band tee the week before so she couldn't say I wore black all the time. Asaph gave me some pink wet thing that Chris Yip gave him that was supposed to be dry and fluffy. Asaph kept the dry one for himself. :(. I saw a brown thing and smelled it. It smelled like chocolate. Somehow Chris had spilled melted chocolate on it. I showed Lydia and she said eew.

I ordered a chicken carbonara at Hans and sat outside. There weren't seats inside. I only got my food at 2+ because the tables outside don't have numbers so the person couldn't find me. lol. Welcome To The Trinity Family (WTTTF) started at 2:30. Hey I was early. I gobbled my food cos I was afraid I would be late. But I was still early.

WTTTF was quite fun. P. Gary or Bro Andy told us that he used to think that the grape juice was really wine and only found out two years later that it was really grape juice. lol. PDa told us of how he used to persecute Christians and ask them stupid quiestions until they cried like If God can do anything, can he make a rock so big that even he cannot move? the answer? It's not important! Love that answer. Sis Gwen talked about tithings and she borrowed 50 bucks from Bro Sam and drew and analogy like Tithing is like let's say I'm Gaddell's(Gadell, Gadelle, whatever) mother and I give you $50 so you return 10%. Then she said you can keep the money and Bro Sam was like, I need that to buy something. I didn't really catch that.

After WTTTF I came out of the classroom and guess what? I saw Them with 50 bucks. David still hadn't taken out his hoodie. Doesn't ha ever feel hot? Oh yeah, he's a hottie. I followed them to the bus stop and took 70m with them and followed them to the mrt station, where the 50 bucks took a train heading towards Boon Lay. The twins didn't take mrt. The whole time i was following them I was reading my book.

This is my pledge to turn over a new leaf. I made it myself :D. Inspired by Rev Wilson Teo because he preached about our having power over the devil and how we should not be oppressed by them. And lots of others like passer by and Claudia ;D Love ya guys!

I shall try not to be emo, depressed, pessimistic, vitriolic or hypochondriacal
But I shall show exuberance, exhilaration, and ebullience
(Because i've had enough of feeling unhappy.)

I shall not be vapid, mirthless, abject, or diffident,
arid, ennui-ed, perfunctory or lackadaisical
but show aplomb, assiduousness, audacity, and spontaneity.
(because no one is perfect and I want to enjoy life while acknowledging the fact that i'm human)

I shall not be easily chagrined or riled or take umbrage (because I hate to hurt others' feelings.),
but instead assuage, palliate, and extenuate (err...is that good?)

I shall not affront, berate, castigate, scathe or slander,
eschew, efface, segregate, or depreciate (I've been there before and i'm not gonna let that happen to others.)
Instead I shall edify, encourage, help, build someone up

I shall not be impertinent, petulant, cantankerous or imprudent, (you don't want to rile others for not reason at all)
But I shall be prudent, pertinent, polite and sweet ;D (Why are there so little good words?)

I shall not stymie anyone from coming to know God
But bring others to Christ.

I shall not be obdurate
I shall take criticism with a smile.

I shall not make any conjectures.

God, please help me accomplish all this:P.

For those lazybums who don't want to bother to check those words:

I won't be emo, I will get a life, I will not be easily annoyed, I will not scold anyone harshly, I will not be rude, I will not be an obstacle to those who want to know God, I will not be stubborn and I will not jump to conclusions.

I positively hate matthew tang and gang. hey that rhymes. i know i just read passer by's tag but there are some things you feel sometimes that it's just something you absolutely have to write about and this is it.

I just don't understand why i say so many good things about him. he makes fun of me and says scathing things to me he doesn't behave like that to other people he totally ignores me i hate him i don't understand why he seems to hate me when he says he doesn't maybe he just doesn't like me and i wish i could ignore him but i can't cos my friend wants me to tell him about her. i'm just a shadow, joining him and her. maybe it's claudia's fault for telling them that i liked him but that was a long time ago and it was a just little crush but they don't know that. i know i can't let them know that i know they knew but i don't know why i can't but i just can't. maybe if they didn't actually know but suspected which is quite impossible cos they seemed to know definitely they seemed so confident i would be giving it all away. the game would be over and my life there. i wouldn't be able to survive there anymore. i know they'll just tell everyone and everyone will know and they'll be laughing at me behind my back.

arrogantly, mockingly, snobbishly.

clandestinely, furtively, quietly.

silently, secretly, everyone will remember. No one will forget. it'll be there, buried in the deep of their minds, just like any other incident, but it'll be there. it doesn't take much to dig it up. when they think of me they'll think of it.

I'm just a shadow. a shadow does not exist in the eyes of the world. it is just darkness. darkness cannot exist without light. the shadow is darkest when the light is brightest. i'm just an effaced, depreciated shadow, non-existent in this world.

Stupid comp is lagging. Everything pisses me off lately. friends, family, comp, violin, piano, practically everything. Never mind, stop talking about emo stuff.

What started out as good ended as bad. Happens all the time. typical.
Went to macs with family. at the carpark my dad stopped for a while to let us find macs while he parked the car. it was just a short while but the car behind us honked. that pissed me off quite a bit. i felt like giving the driver a hand signal. or maybe my evil eye. or maybe a flying kiss so the girl beside him would slap him. or buy a penknife and slash his tyres. Breakfast was not bad. peter knocked over somebody's ice milo. Random.

went to pasir ris park to visit mangrove swamp. saw quite a few crabs and 2 mudskippers. so cute. they kinda remind me of peter(soo). no wonder his msn is mudskipper. lol. peter was quite eager to go home. he was clamouring, in fact. saw quite a lot of spiderwebs too.

had lunch at auntie helen's workplace (aka some coffee shop which its name i didn't even bother to find out). i spilled sarsi on my shorts>( it looked as if i peed in my pants.

escaped home to change before going to visit auntie irene. played sims something with zoey and joey. i felt emo cos no one talked to me or even noticed that i changed my hairstyle except nattie and auntie amy. lol when auntie amy commented that i changed my hairstyle joey said i changed it long ago. sweet irony. i just changed it last trip to malaysia and i hadn't seen her since. lol.

finished reading eclipse. *sigh* now i wouldn't have anything to read tomorrow. unless i go to the library before church. i hope i can find the books i want. Ugly by Constance Briscoe and If I Am Missing Or Dead by Janine Latus. And I'm going to buy Escape by dunno who on Sunday with the $5 popular voucher and some money. i'll have lots of books to read then. practiced mariage d'amour and to zarnakand. my parents just don't understand. can't they empathise with me? can't they see that i won't do anything else until i get a song right? nothing likes cooperating with me nowadays. i wonder why *sarcastic*. No one understands me. i'm just a shadow moving in and out of in others' lives.

how much one can keep behind closed doors?
how many secrets one can hide from the world?
have you ever thought of the ones around you, whether they're feeling down or up, whether something's going on behind the mask?
have you ever tried to make someone smile, to know someone, to let that person feel loved?
ever tried making things right?
to make someone happy, must one first Be happy?
ever been left behind?
talked but no one listened?

Oh, lots, if one is strong enough, but it all comes out in the end.
lots too, as long as one is silent enough.
yeah, but mostly i'm always wrong.
yeah, but no one thinks i understand.
yeah, but i'm usually the one who makes them go wrong.
dunno.
yeah, sure, what do you expect when you're invisible?
lots of times, and lots of times the people i talk to just turn away and talk to others or ask me to wait and then they just turn their attention away from me. maybe i'm boring. i know i am.

This is my life. My pathetic, diaphanous, transparent, unimportant life. i'm just a shadow in others' perfect lives. i never linger long in their thoughts. i'm too boring. i just took a tour around blogspot and found that almost everyone has someone to confide in, to share their deepest secrets to sleep over with to cry with to hug when you cry to even TALK. i don't really have a best friend cos best friends are supposed to really know you and love you for who you are but in the first place i probably don't even have a friend who won't forget me in a crowd. except for a few exceptions, maybe. kelley, janelle, yeah, that's about it. i'm diaphanous, invisible, et cetera. face it--well, i already have--no one really knows me. i'm just a shadow of a happy girl, moving in and out of people's lives. i'm forgotten. always have been, and always will be.

As you can tell, I'm super pissed now. Did you read the papers about THAT? I'm like, super pissed with that guy because

1) He absolutely DID NOT "run forward and catch the boy, trying desperately to hold him so his head would not hit the steps" and his wife definitely DID NOT "grab the rope and shout repeatedly for everyone to stop pulling". In fact, what happened was he simply went up to the teacher and shouted "I PREDICTED SOMETHING LIKE THIS WOULD HAPPEN. THIS IS DAMN STUPID!". To write that he did is a lying. In fact, to even write to the papers is too much. It's fine to complain to the school; it's understandable. But to the papers? And revealing the school and cca name? That, I say, is overboard. JQ's not even his son. And that leads us to our next point.

2)His son is in AHBand. To write to the papers, he is practically saying that he wants his son to be affected. The reputation of AHS would go down and along with it, Concert Band's. It could have happened in any camp, any cca, any game. But we have to take the blame for something that isn't really anybody's fault.

3) In the article he also says that "the supervisory complacency and lack of propriety suggest and accident, or incident, waiting to happen". What he did not state is that we had already been told to stay in our groups and inform someone if we were to go anywhere. Any missing people is not the fault of the band. We had also been told over and over to walk in a group if we were walking home or wait with friends if we were waiting for our parents to pick us up. Our group leaders also made sure we were safely home. You see, Concert Band is not actually as irresponsible. In fact, most of the mentoring and activities are done by the seniors. Secondary school is different from primary school. Oh, and I don't see how propriety fits into that context.

Thursday:
Went to Malaysia. At the Singapore customs my parents and I had to go and scan our thumb prints. Damn stupid, as if I could be Mas Selamat. But I'm taller than him. LOL RANDOM! Only by 1 or 2 cm. But still taller. Shortyyyy! I thought the customs officer looked like him. Maybe they should scan His thumb print. If you asked me, he probably swam to Malaysia or Indonesia, and here they are, scanning female thumb prints like imbeciles.

Jolin went for St. John's camp. Chan Yeh's in St John's too. RANDOM! Went to Chor Kee for dinner. Love the fish. Random! When we got back Chan Yeh and I played The Billionaire, which is the Malaysian version of Monopoly. He earned a lot of money from TV3, which I never could help landing on. I can't believe he's so lucky. I feel like squishing the die. I made it okay. 'Cos we couldn't find the die(dice). Whatever.

Friday(Today):
Woke up and continued playing the Billionaire, hoping that my luck would've changed overnight, but it didn't. Obviously I lost. Ate my favourite Hakka mincemeat noodles for lunch=). Went shopping after that. First we went to Rhythm and bought some violin stuff. Then we went to Carre Four and bought a shirt dress and I got a hideous haircut. At first it looked hideous but then I changed my parting and Voila! I think I look kinda punkish but everyone says I look pretty. I'll just have to wait till Sunday, when I go to church and everyone gets the shock of their lives. I hope He thinks it's nice. Or I'll never show my face in public again. At least not until my hair grows back. How would I know whether He likes it or not, anyway? It's hard to find out how people really think nowadays. Or is it? Sometimes what you see is what you get.

Day 1(Monday):
Drills. Are Tiring. My whole body aches including my stomach and I don't even know why my stomach aches. Muscle aches, that is. Next came group interaction. My group called ourselves the ChiPadis! Our cheer was

Then it was lunch! We did the Hungry Cheer. The meat was spicy and my mouth was burning.

Then we had prac. Sec 1s had to shift benches from the canteen to the concourse. Mr Chua took the sec 1s and Mrs Chua took the sec 2-3-4s. After that we 'prac'-ed by ourselves. We didn't actually practice. Jun Qing taught the boys the diamond push-up and I acted as the squad leader. They took a long time to fall in so I made them do...a lot of diamonds but only Jun Qing did it. He's so guai, unlike the others. We played Janice Says and I made them lift their right leg and then lift their left leg and Jun Qing sat down and lifted both his feet in the air. So smart. Not that I like him THAT way, although it may sound as if I do.

Station games!
We got wet at the first station. We played spiderweb while the station master sprayed water at us. The water was COLD! BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

Second was at the fitness corner. We jumped from...somewhere to somewhere holding hands crossed. then we duck walked through some...stuff still holding hands. Then we had to climb through a spiderweb. Not a real one, at least. Then five of us (including me) had to stand on five platforms and hold hands and walk so that The first and last people would change places. Here's the catch--you can't have 3 feet on any platform at anytime. But we did it anyway. :) Yong Quan did a pole dance to get a bonus and the station master videoed it! LOL!

In between 2nd and 3rd was another station because our second station was too short. We had to pass a can of milo full of water from one end of the netball court to the other without using our hands. Then we had to hold hands and duckwalk.

3rd station: Pump 3 for a chance to throw 3 balls into the bucket. Get 75 points to move on to next station.

4th station: 5 star jumps to send 1 person up and look at...something. every minute that person is up there ?? star jumps. every wrong answer 15 star jumps. My legs hurt.
5th station : 50 jumping jacks. crawl under tables blind-folded. pass containers of water over your head from 1 bucket to the other. In the end we passed the whole bucket.

After dinner was mass tug-of-war. Brasses and percs against Woodwinds. Jun Qing fell down the stairs. I feel kinda bad cos I'm in woodwinds and he's in brasses. But can't blame us. We couldn't see what happened. accidents are inevitable in mass activities as this. Some parent saw and complained. I only heard "I KNEW SOMETHING LIKE THIS WOULD HAPPEN THIS IS DAMN STUPID!" He was damn pissed off lah. I feel kinda bad for the sec 4s cos they planned the camp.

Walked home with some other people and Vanessa made me go home with Leonard cos we stay in the same block and the others said don't scandal lah. lol. I felt so paiseh going home with a boy.

Day 2:
Band prac first thing in the morning. sec 1s didn't have to prac cos we had theory lessons. That's slacking lessons for me. I was doodling on the paper the whole time. I feel bad for wasting Kenny's paper. He's so nice. Haha Random. Ying Zhi draws crotchets likeI wonder how she draws her minims. RANDOM!

Then we had drills. I got See Mui again :]. She's the most lenient. Brendan is like, uber nefarious. He was the timer and he kept changing the timing. See Mui was laughing. But better than me. I have low confidence. If you think confidence is not important, try shouting with lots of people around you. Fine I know you have lots of aplomb but I don't, okay?

Then we had 食字路口. Our starting dish was roti prata. We were the first to get there so we'll probably win the prize for the fastest group. Ending dish was Tang Yuan. Our group split in half so that my half ate the second last dish (kuay teow soup) while the others ate the tang yuan. I like tang yuan but I was ravenous at that time and suddenly the Kuay Teow Soup was delicious. Th other group taking 14 reached slightly later than us but they had not eaten the last dish yet. Yong Quan lied that they had not eaten the tang yuan yet so they thought they would win. At the wan li chang cheng we saw another group and we thought they were also going back and we ran like siao but turned out they were heading for 85. lol.

We played a lot of games like 7-up and Whacko and zhong ji mi ma while waiting for the last group, which turned out to have gone to suntec. Forfeit? Eat Biscuits! It's not really a forfeit until you accumulate them like siao. lol. Dinner was Macs. Poor Mrs Lam, she had to watch us eat and she hadn't taken her dinner. Night games were canceled because of the terrible weather. Not exactly canceled. Postponed, more like. I waited for daddy to come because I didn't want to go home in drenched shoes and socks. He didn't bring my slippers so he gave me Asaph's. Man he has BIG FEET! My legs still hurt. and my stomach and arms too. For some reason.

P.S. VP is checking for unauthorised lockers, so get those books out! Pass the message.

So let's start with early morning, and I'm talking 6+. Kelley called me and asked if I wanted to meet @ Eunos MRT. My dad was supposed to send me but I didn't want to make her have to go alone. It's lonely. Take it from someone who knows. Okay, enough of the emo crap. Met @ mrt, went to church by bus and then got to PL. We went to Shell for breakfast cos Kel forgot to bring her money so I treated her to breakfast (milk). I dropped my taquito ]]]: so I bought an apple pie from Hans instead. Taquitos are better than apple pies. I'm getting sick of apple pies.

We were standing next to the toilet and when He went to the toilet he walked past me. He Walked Past Me! HE WALKED PAST ME!!! Okaay, I'm seriously going crayzee. Not that His walking past me holds any sort of significance in His perpetual ignorance of my existence. I pointed Him out to Kel and she was like, He's dam tall! lol. I only wish that I had gone in later because while I was going in He was talking to someone. He served CH so if I had gone in earlier then He would have greeted me. As I did say, Not that His greeting me holds any sort of significance in His perpetual ignorance of my existence.

Anyway, there was this part where we were supposed to introduce ourselves to 5 people we don't really know as "Hungry ______". I greeted Him and He Offered His Hand! To shake, duh. How polite. Refined. Just the sort of guy I like. Anyway, as I said earlier, Not that His shaking my hand holds any sort of significance in His perpetual ignorance of my existence. He could shake my hand one moment and forget me the next. Maybe. I don't really know. Anyway, we were in our buzz groups so there went any chance of being in the same group as Him. Sadly, For Kel, TewTew wasn't there.

I was supposed to be in Saturday but Sis Jeann transfered me to Sunday. I don't really like the Sunday group. I prefer the Saturday group but then Denise won't have a friend on Sunday. Whatever. I'm going to Sunday. At least there's Him. Then I would have something to look forward to.

The first station we were supposed to sing a song with water in our mouths and the other groups must be able to tell what song we were singing. A lot of people choked so they let us hum instead. We sang Say So. We said our group cheer too. Just as we were ending His group came. :] Not that it holds any sort of significance in His perpetual ignorance of my existence.

The second station we had to finish 3 cups of Chin Chow and a pair of...something to do with coconut. Ugh. We couldn't finish it so we were given $4 instead of 5. Oh and we did our group cheer. His group came too. When we were finishing. He walked past me. He Walked Past Me! HE WALKED PAST ME!!! Not that His walking past me holds any sort of significance in His perpetual ignorance of my existence.

Then we went to but ingredients. They wanted seaweed but when I found it they just said nvm they don't need it. I hate them. They make everything I say or do seem so insignificant. They depreciate me. Especially JY. She was so nice to me the first few times we met and then she meets IY and she finds me riling. What happened to all my friends?

The fourth station we had to design our chef hats and I spent so much time drawing the Zanice that I didn't have time to draw the group name so I just wrote Chng Tng and Chicken Rice. Chng Tng and Chicken Rice combined. And--Yes--we did our group cheer.

The fifth station we had to eat Chee Cheong Fan with our mouths. Meaning, no chopsticks or forks or spoons or any utensils. And--you guessed it--we did our group cheer.

Then we went to the back of PL and had to guess 2 drinks of a drink made of 5. One was plum juice and another was green tea. Yuck. But we got our plates and cups anyway. And YES we did our group cheer.

When we got there His group was already there we started on our sandwich. No one gave me a chance to contribute, though. I was inconspicuous. Somehow, though, when Sis Serena asked for someone from any 6 groups to do the group cheer IN FRONT OF EVERYONE I suddenly found myself in the spotlight. Denise went with me anyway. And they gave us CHEE CHEONG FAN SAUCE! SHEESH!! Alvin gave us tomato sauce in exchange for a slice of bread. How eleemosynary.

Then Sis Gwen shared about...stuff I can't remember. Somehow she talked and talked and changed the point from the hunger for...stuff to something about God caring about you. I won't tell you that I cried *whoopsies*. LMAO! The group only noticed me cos Sis Pink Butterfly noticed but they're not really that bad when they notice.

After that I felt pretty much okay and I talked to Sis Pink Butterfly but that was because I didn't really have a choice. I agreed to go for Sunday service only because He's there and she said something about 'Family time'. My family doesn't really spend a lot of time together even when we're at home together. We may as well be on different sides of the Universe. I didn't bother to tell her that I wanted to go Sunday even though she knows who he is.

Kel gave me chocolate and strawberry-flavoured Hello Panda because her group (also my former) group got first prize. I voted for them ;P. I wished I could join their group but I can't be selfish because otherwise Denise won't have a friend to accompany her. Everyone knows everyone else and they're kinda cliquey. I still like the Saturday group better, though. I'm not saying that all the people there are mean to me. I just don't like it, that's all. Geddit? Anyway, I'll be able to see Him every week and probably serve SOF with him as CH.=D. That's pretty much enough for me.

Just got back our results today. I got an average of 76.78%. Can't say I'm very happy about that.
Eng : 86.7 A1 Band 1
Maths : 76 A1 Band 3 D:
Science : 100 A1 Band 1 XP
Higher Chinese : 57 Band 4 C5 :[
Geography (revised, whatever that means) : 60 B4 Band 3 :(((
Visual Art : 81 A1 Band 2
Not good. Not good at all. What can I say? I didn't study lol.

This is my homework. I'm also using this as a reminder for myself just in case I forget (which I always do).
Projects: Sci-geog Hydroponics project (grp members Chloe, Nicola, Jiaying, Ying Ling, Evangeline, Me!)
Music sound thinigee. (grp members Claudia, Hannah, Joven, Vivian, Nicola, Me!)
Sci Ecology. (grp members Nicola, Vivian, Joo Hwee, Me!)
Home Ec. (grp members Deborah, Berlinda, Evangeline, Me!)
Homework: Chinese Letter to cousin
Eng Compre
(err... what else? can anyone enlighten me?Please?)

For once, a holiday is not a holiday. For once, I don't relish the idea of a holiday. Just look at the amount of homework I have. *sigh*

一天，就这样过去了。

SOD THE DATES! Sod the ********** dates.
Why do I always have to mess everything up? Today was supposed to be really happy for everyone but I had to cause trouble, didn't I? So here goes...

It was Sunday and I knew it was going to be a bad day when I woke up late and still had to go for tuition. Why hadn't I woken up 1 hour later? then maybe everything would have been alright. Then maybe I would have just made it straight to PL. It was the Party for Team (un)FOUND and we were supposed to hold it at East Coast Park. It's close to my tuition centre in Marine Parade so I had arranged to meet them there.

When I got to ECP it was raining and it didn't really stopand I waited at macs like an asinine(new word) and I kept sms-ing Hannah when I didn't even know that she wasn't going because she was not feeling well and I didn't know that they had changed the venue to Sis Jas's house and I waited like, so long and no one came and then it finally occurred to me to sms Maxine and I found out they were @ Sis Jas's house and I was pretty pissed that I had not been informed and It just Had to rain and Hannah and Sis Mich Had to fall ill. It's so organised.

So then came phone call after phone call, apology after apology and they even offered to pay for my taxi ride there but I decided I wasn't going because there wasn't much time left and it would just be a waste of money and everyone would be looking at me like...I don't know.

I shouldn't blame them for missing me out. Where there are people, there are popular people. Where there are popular people, there are wallflowers, invisible men and women. There are people who don't fit in. I don't really fit in in a crowd like this. No one probably missed me, except for Janelle, who missed me the few times I missed rehearsals. Maybe even TewTew, Jing Yun and Ing Yee or Shi Wah, maybe even Bernice. They're the ones who at least notice me a little around here when I don't talk. No, not TewTew. He has too many people around him to even notice me, the ever unnoticeable invisible emo kid. Not Jing Yun and Ing Yee. They're always either talking to each other or other people. Maybe Jing Yun would have missed me because she wants her IJ uni back. Shi Wah and Bernice because they were in the same group as I in (un)FOUND and Shi Wah is in SOF too but they're always talking to other people. So that leaves Janelle. Hannah would have. She was the first to notice me when I hid behind the stage just to know that no one talked to me because they didn't know I was there and not because they knew but they didn't. lol. chim? Not really.

It's hard to fit in when you've learned not to talk, lest you say the wrong things and make a fool of yourself or bear another reminder that no one pays attention to you. It's hard to fit in, especially when everybody's older than you and pays attention to what people their age pay attention to. It's hard to fit in when you don't have anything to say. It's hard to fit in when you already know you don't.

It's pretty much my fault because I didn't phone Sis Jas or Bro Sam or Sis Mich or anyone earlier. In the end I felt so bad that I sms-ed and apology to Sis Mich, Bro Sam and Sis Jeann. Well they were nice and said nvm just don't be so blurr next time.

It's hard to fit in, especially if you're a Blurr Queen.

From:
the Imbecile,
the Asinine,
the Dumbass

With love
MisUnderstood

-ME

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