Today was supposed to be fun...
Monday, March 3, 2008
SOD THE DATES! Sod the ********** dates.
Why do I always have to mess everything up? Today was supposed to be really happy for everyone but I had to cause trouble, didn't I? So here goes...
It was Sunday and I knew it was going to be a bad day when I woke up late and still had to go for tuition. Why hadn't I woken up 1 hour later? then maybe everything would have been alright. Then maybe I would have just made it straight to PL. It was the Party for Team (un)FOUND and we were supposed to hold it at East Coast Park. It's close to my tuition centre in Marine Parade so I had arranged to meet them there.
When I got to ECP it was raining and it didn't really stopand I waited at macs like an asinine(new word) and I kept sms-ing Hannah when I didn't even know that she wasn't going because she was not feeling well and I didn't know that they had changed the venue to Sis Jas's house and I waited like, so long and no one came and then it finally occurred to me to sms Maxine and I found out they were @ Sis Jas's house and I was pretty pissed that I had not been informed and It just Had to rain and Hannah and Sis Mich Had to fall ill. It's so organised.
So then came phone call after phone call, apology after apology and they even offered to pay for my taxi ride there but I decided I wasn't going because there wasn't much time left and it would just be a waste of money and everyone would be looking at me like...I don't know.
I shouldn't blame them for missing me out. Where there are people, there are popular people. Where there are popular people, there are wallflowers, invisible men and women. There are people who don't fit in. I don't really fit in in a crowd like this. No one probably missed me, except for Janelle, who missed me the few times I missed rehearsals. Maybe even TewTew, Jing Yun and Ing Yee or Shi Wah, maybe even Bernice. They're the ones who at least notice me a little around here when I don't talk. No, not TewTew. He has too many people around him to even notice me, the ever unnoticeable invisible emo kid. Not Jing Yun and Ing Yee. They're always either talking to each other or other people. Maybe Jing Yun would have missed me because she wants her IJ uni back. Shi Wah and Bernice because they were in the same group as I in (un)FOUND and Shi Wah is in SOF too but they're always talking to other people. So that leaves Janelle. Hannah would have. She was the first to notice me when I hid behind the stage just to know that no one talked to me because they didn't know I was there and not because they knew but they didn't. lol. chim? Not really.
It's hard to fit in when you've learned not to talk, lest you say the wrong things and make a fool of yourself or bear another reminder that no one pays attention to you. It's hard to fit in, especially when everybody's older than you and pays attention to what people their age pay attention to. It's hard to fit in when you don't have anything to say. It's hard to fit in when you already know you don't.
It's pretty much my fault because I didn't phone Sis Jas or Bro Sam or Sis Mich or anyone earlier. In the end I felt so bad that I sms-ed and apology to Sis Mich, Bro Sam and Sis Jeann. Well they were nice and said nvm just don't be so blurr next time.
It's hard to fit in, especially if you're a Blurr Queen.
From:
the Imbecile,
the Asinine,
the Dumbass
With love
MisUnderstood
