introspection
Sunday, May 4, 2008
typing really fast cos this is gonna be verbiage.i went to church @ 7, as usual and i was soo bored cos there was nobody there. i went to the quiet corridor to get some sleep. lol. not lie down on the carpet, sit down and try to sleep. Carolyn said Preteens was cool. @ the Adam side, that is. she last week or something. Bernice was looking feminine today. She said Jasmine was her alarm clock. I joined the grads for their prayer cos i was bored. we had to use the corridor to pray cos the leaders were using the classroom.
Fuel was fun. during the prayer Bro ZC said we should agree. adds to the atmosphere of faith and encourages the person praying or something. We played pepsi cola for gel. i was the first ousted in my group ): David and Peter came after the gel. We were given this analogy like, lets say you were given $2, 678, 400 and were supposed to spend it within 1 month or the money would expire. My group decided to combine our money and spend it together. Bro Kah Fei asked our group and they kept pushing the mike and somehow i got it. I'm always the 'extroverted one', the one who did the group cheer in front of the whole of IGNYTE during 'Hungry? Get Fed Up!' only to get chee cheong fan sauce. CHEE CHEONG FAN SAUCE!!! i read out what we planned to spend the money on:
#A big house for all of us to stay inThen Bro Kah Fei asked David what he planned to spend his money on and he said, "Buy a farm." LOL!
#10% for tithes
#4 PSPs
#i phone
#i touch
#i pod
#Apple laptop
#Mac laptop
#dog
#hamster
#flute
#saxaphone
#drum set
#grand piano
#guitar case
#maid
#furniture
#utensils
#1 sound-proof room(for music)
#et cetera (I can't remember)
"What are you going to grow?"
"Vegetables."
"So that you can feed yourself. Cool."
LOL. Everyone was laughing. The sec 1 girls said they were going to buy a vehicle that everyone could fit in and someone said the magic school bus! LOL. Then they were going to buy a big house and a gold-plated bathtub. And then they were going to migrate to Australia and leave the big house and gold-plated bathtub in Singapore. And travel around the world in 800 days. LOL. 80 days, 800 days. Bro Kah Fei said he liked the 'buy a farm' idea the best.
"Who's going to cook the vege then?"
"Josiah!"
LOL. Everyone was laughing. See, my crush has a good sense of humour. ;D. I met a new girl, too. Her name's Melissa. they talked about time management and Bro Kah Fei read from
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8.1 1 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:Poetic. Bro Kah Fei said it was a 4-4 time.
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embarrass--whoops! (lol) Stop embarrassing me!--embrace and a time to refrain,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
we were supposed to write out what we did the previous week and Bro Kah Fei joked about Bro ZC's schedule. 0830-1000: Lord thank you for a whole day of food...
1000-1200: breakfast
1200-1500: lunch
1500-1800: tea break
1800-2000: dinner
2000-2100: supper
2100-2200: TAWG (Time Alone With God)
LOL! My schedule was dedicated to music cos i couldn't remember what i did other than prac violin, piano, guitar and flute. and, of course, sing whenever i have the time or the capacity.
After fuel Bro ZC talked to us cos we were very distracted during fuel and service these few weeks and they said if we were stressed or anything we can go talk to them(leaders) cos they care. i'm not stressed cos there's no exams for me. He's not stressed either! YAY! This calls for a celebration! lol i'm so lame. Later i learned from Miranda that our buzz (other than Nadia[cos she didn't come], Melissa and I) got a scolding from Sis Michelle cos apparently they talked among themselves and left Melissa out.
Sarah and Lydia and Sis Michelle were manning some counter about pass it on cards. He was making one. He was like, writing and writing but there were so many people i couldn't see what he was writing. walking along the corridor, i spotted MATTHEW TANG MUN CHONG! we were walking towards each other and he saw me but i quickly looked away. i wasn't going to acknowledge him. nope, i won't. As i was going inside LT1 I saw him again. he saw me too and was about to say hi but i quickly looked away again as if i didn't see him. Melissa and Neysa both wanted to sit with me and Elicia wanted to exchange places with me because SOMEONE was sitting behind me.
Yup! Elicia wanted to switch with me cos she wanted to talk to Josh. but she also wanted to sit with Debi. Neysa wanted to sit with Debi and Me and Mel wanted to sit with me too. Besides, David was sitting so close! I knew whatever decision i made someone would be disappointed. so i just let it remain the way it was. Through the worship time i was kinda thinking about everything and i wondered why my mind always strayed during worship time though i knew exactly why. i hate it, the feeling of being helpless. the weakness. the knowledge of the source of the problem and the inability to do anything about it. that's me. i can't do anything when i don't feel like it and the Devil knows it and he manipulates me. he knows it. the devil's ANDROGYNOUS! random. the inability to make anything alright at all, the inability to make everyone happy, so poignant, so disquieting. i thought of the last time [i couldn't actually think of the last time cos i knew that had happened before but i couldn't remember who] 2 people ever wanted to sit with me at the same time and i knew i should feel glad that they like me but instead i just felt unhappy that i could not make everyone happy cos someone was still unhappy, that whatever i did i would disappoint someone. and then i thought of Matthew and i knew i didn't really hate him that much. i never was one for holding grudges. well, i thought about a lot of chim things but i can't remember anything now. At some points of time i turned around because the group of cute boys behind me were so distracting, especially when PDa talked about the time he was obsessed over swimming. Jeremy's a swimmer. So is MATTHEW TANG MUN CHONG. Haha. i like writing his name in caps cos i can vent my dislike for him on the keyboard. it has a psychological effect. just like chocolate. Anyways, back to the boyzz. They're so cute. In their own ways. I can see why Elicia likes Joshua. and I thought Jeremy was pretty cute too :) But David is HANDSOME!!! And Peter looks kinda mischievous kinda cute cos of his eyebrows. LOL I know David and Peter are identical twins but i can distinctly see the difference. I've observed them that much. Admit it, Zane. you're not sane, you're BOY CRAYZEE!! Actually, I'm Janice. LMAO!!!
After service i made a pass it on card that went "may the force be with you." that was just me being lame and i hate myself for it. I hate myself for being so lame. Matthew finally caught me. well he just said hi and i said hi back and i don't remember what else he said cos i was mentally kicking myself for being so soft-hearted. he didn't even say sorry. well i can't expect him to since he didn't even know what was wrong but i'm so pissed with myself for being so nice to him even though he picks on me at every opportunity, which is incomprehensible, i don't understand why he seems to hate me so but he said he doesn't. it's unfathomable why i forgive him so easily why i'm so nice to him. i kick myself for being so soft to someone who has depreciated me over and over how he can get away with it i don't understand it seems i'm the only person he picks on i don't understand why i cannot comprehend i cannot fathom i just don't understand...
why?
why?
why?
Quit being emo.
at the bus stop Elicia and I saw Gladys. she was waiting for her bro. When we got on the bus we stood so we saw her brother at the next stop. lol. we called her and she said he had called her so she waited for the next bus. sad. two busses had just gone. tuition was fine. I hardly talked other than the time Li Lao Shi asked me a question cos i didn't talk at all. I don't have any close friends in tuition. the closest is Jonathan and he hardly talks to me anyway. But I have God. God is omnipresent. that's nice to know. (:
♥5:04 PM