Wednesday, July 30, 2008
I cried in PE today. i suddenly felt very emo, namida ga afureta*.
Hannah and Jiaying and Elwin were very nice. Their concern was genuine, authentic.
But I never said a thing, even though Hannah kept asking so that she could change.
After all, I couldn't tell her that it was because I didn't have someone there for me, someone to cheer me on anytime i needed cheering. How could i? if she changed and was nicer to me, would that make any difference? after all, there's a reason why i'm excluded: because people don't like me
that much. if she really included me in everything, it's just...fake. i'd feel it were, even if it weren't.
But I didn't say a thing. isn't it funny how, people only start listening when you stop talking?
I saw the way they cheered one another on, how popular they were, and i keep thinking, waiting. waiting...for the day i'll have something no one else has. But i already do. haha. i have my philosophy. but it's cost me friends. people don't like to listen to philosophy. they just wanna have fun. they don't wanna think. just wanna be happy. remain the way they are.
and i wanna tell them, stop floccinaucinihilipilificating my philosophy.
crying sure spoils your appetite. i should cry more. so i could slim down. I emo-ed at the piano the whole of first recess. but i must say,
good music sure cheers me up. *not boasting*
I was in a better mood by second recess--by the end of first recess, in fact. I spent the second recess in D&T drilling holes in my work piece. and i stayed back after school to complete my desk tidy until 5 o'clock, so you can imagine how hungry i was. lol.
*namida ga afureta--and the tears poured out
finally, here's a song to cheer [myself] up:
HERO (Mariah Carey)
There's a hero
If you look inside your heart
You don't have to be afraid
Of what you are
There's an answer
If you reach into your soul
And the sorrow that you know
Will melt away
And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you
It's a long road
When you face the world alone
No one reaches out a hand
For you to hold
You can find love
If you search within yourself
And the emptiness you felt
Will disappear
And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you
Lord knows
Dreams are hard to follow
But don't let anyone
Tear them away
Hold on
There will be tomorrow
In time
You'll find the way
And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you
P.S. Pls pray for me, tmr is my violin exam.
P.P.S. Grade 7, just in case you wanna know.
